20 June 2015
Six months ago I was mad, bad and desperate. I was losing days and weeks and obsessed by work. I started this blog to track time and to appreciate the minutiae of each day and think of beauty and laughing. At the end of six months, I am in a better place in my head. The work demon is back in its box. I am still in the same place physically and itch to move on. I am in the same place as me, still doing what is not me, which I have spent all of my adult life doing.
This is what I wrote on the 20 December 2014
There is a picture doing the rounds of FB with the words 'if you aren't happy with what you have got, how can you be happy with more ?' True, I am not happy with what I have got - with the shite work, money worries, the bastard clients, the crap that circles around my head. I need a change of reality. I need to leave normal. 2015 is looming and I must do something different if I want this year not to be a repeat of the last eight years.
OK what do I want - lets focus on the positive
1. Spend six months over winter in Paris in somewhere good with views of the Eiffel Tower and paint.
2. Spend six months over summer in Provence and paint in all the places that the romantic painters painted.
3. Do Strictly Come Dancing
4. Make Angels and become well known for Angel making like Little A Designs and Mr Finch.
5. Sell all properties in bastard, bastard town where I live (I have probably sold one of them)
6. Build grand designs property overlooking the South Coast of England.
7. WF gets job which makes him happy and they both get decent caring girlfriends.
8. End the year knowing I am on the right road.
Positive things about this year
1. Have done level 2 reiki
2. Link up with other agency means I wont be alone
3. FB group going great guns - could it be Andorran version of the WI
4. Have actually lost over a stone by giving up dairy and bread
5. Apparently have had a lot of weeks away and have forgotten virtually all of them because have spent so much time stressing about work. I take pictures on iPhone which faithfully records where I have been and when. Completely forgot about Cordoba and Seville. Heat was murderous and choosing to go to a spa (hot salt pool) and drink Turkish tea was unfortunate. Combination of excessive wine, snoring disturbed sleep and over tapa-ing usually leaves me longing to get into my own cool bed and sleep twelve hours.
6. I have got to the end of this year in one piece and avoided nervous breakdown.
Football blasting through the floor of my bedroom which is also ceiling of the front room. Battery on laptop about to run out. Not feeling inspired. Here endeth Day 1 of 365 days which will be different. Normal will be eradicated. Leaving launched.